Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
