Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
