And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
