i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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