he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
