they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
