Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
