the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
