I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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