I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
