My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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