can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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