we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize