somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
