She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize