Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
