PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
