bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
