I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
