Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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