a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
