when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
