I just pynch a tree in the face
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We need to get me chipped asap
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
