Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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