My underwear smells like fireworks.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
