She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
