the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
