She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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