I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
