On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will be naked everywhere
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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