weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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