Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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