she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
