It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
