ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
