I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
