You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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