so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
