Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
