So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
