May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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