i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
