If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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