he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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