we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need a beard to bite.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
