we're chasing vodka with high fives
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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