What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
