Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
