I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
