I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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