I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
