I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
