Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The adults are the big ones right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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