paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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