five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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