I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
