At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
