I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
