I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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