Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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