I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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