And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
