Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
