I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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