I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
