i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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